Bridie Clark

by

Kids & civics.

A highlight of my career as a book editor was getting to work with Ralph Nader on The Good Fight. (We published that book in 2004, four years after Bush-Gore, in the midst of Nader running as an independent against Bush-Kerry.) I’ll never forget this brush with a true American hero. Ralph Nader is one of the most honest, relentless, civic-minded people to work in politics, and his activist work has made all of our lives better. He is also a kind man.

It feels good just to think about Ralph Nader these days.

That’s what I was doing the other day while driving the minivan with the kids in the back. I was thinking about the sacrifices our young kids have made — not being able to go to a school they love, play on sports teams, see friends, that kind of thing. For the most part, they have taken these sacrifices in stride. You could argue that it’s because they’ve had no choice. But personally, I believe they have grasped that following the rules is the right thing to do so that everybody can feel and be safe.

As parents we worry about the effects of this Covid period on our children. The anxiety and stress and isolation it has brought into their young lives.

Yes. But it has also taught them to think beyond themselves, and to see themselves as active parts of a solution each time they don a mask, wash their hands, or miss out on things they’d enjoy doing.

It seems the antidote to a lot of what’s not working in America right now is reclaiming a sense of civic responsibility, which Ralph writes about here and many places. Less finger pointing; more looking for ways to do more for others in our own lives. Forging ahead — doing something — even when the problems feel too overwhelming and complex to tackle.

I’m not there. I don’t do enough. But I’m watching the kids in the rearview mirror, and feeling like it’s time to start.

by

A few good things.

Love this Instagram quote from @treehuggerdotcom

My friend Aliza Fogelson published this dreamy novel, a delight to read.

This recipe has hit our dinner table weekly since March, and nobody seems sick of it yet.

What a brilliant idea: The Masters at Work book series. It was launched fairly recently by S & S publisher Jonathan Karp to offer an entertaining but super informative look into how various people became great in their chosen field. So far I’ve read Becoming a Venture Capitalist, Becoming an Architect, and Becoming a Curator. There are currently 27 careers to read about (including becoming a hair stylist, real estate agent, and life coach) and the series seems to be growing fast. Each of the books I read was well-written and researched by a veteran journalist. Great gift for a college student or someone who has read Studs Turkel’s Working many times.

My friend Lauren Wilson is offering a lovely Yoga Nidra class on Tuesday nights at 7 pm over Zoom. It’s so relaxing and she is the perfect guide. It’s also a great practice to try with kids. Conks them out before bedtime! Contact laurenwilsonpractice@gmail.com if you’re interested.

Glop some of this magical elixir on before bed (glop is really the only verb that describes the action) and top with socks you don’t care about. New feet by dawn!

by

Mom Is Calm.

These are hard days. We’re living in a state of collective anxiety. We’re dealing with completely changed routines. We’re worried about people, illness, money. We don’t know how long this will last.

I knew I’d need a solid game plan to keep depression and anxiety at bay. Here are the strategies that are helping me keep my equilibrium:

  • Elizabeth Gilbert’s six words of advice: “Make your bed and get dressed.” Have kids do the same. I find real clothes (who remembers buttons?) really help.
  • Tactical: One water bottle per kid. Used at every single meal, during the school day, and overnight. Washed once a day.
  • Noise-cancelling headphones. I wear them when I clean. It’s turning cleaning into a delightful oasis of silence. My kids know that when I’m wearing headphones, it means that I’m not available except in an emergency. I explained to them that I’m a person who needs some quiet time each and every day. Most of us do.
  • Tactical: I’m remembering Ellyn Satter’s perfect advice about feeding children. Grown ups control the when, where and what. Kids control the whether and how much. If someone shoves the veggies to the side and eats just buttery pasta, I am letting that go. That’s hard for me, especially now, but I’m doing it. I control the when. Our kitchen is open five times daily (which is a lot). If it is not one of those times, the kitchen is closed. Grown ups too. I’m accepting my own need for order.
  • Tactical: Snacks can only be eaten outside. More time outside is a good thing, so I’m linking it to something they want (Goldfish).
  • Synchronized screen time. Since school in now online, I don’t want the kids on their screens all day. I also hate to police screen time. Our solution right now: They’re all able to use screens for the same hour, every day. Otherwise screens are in a bin. Bonus: It gives me a dedicated hour to get work done or take my run. My kids are having their daily hour as I write this.
  • I’m asking for affirmation. When I felt myself getting winded on the very first hill of this marathon, I reached out to my adult family members and some close friends asking them to tell me what a good job I was doing… and to keep the praise coming. Embarrassing to admit, but I know myself. I love gold stars. Gold stars can get me up many a hill. We all need cheerleaders right now. Our friends and loved ones need a shout-out for how bravely they’re facing loneliness, long days, hardship, and anxiety. Our kids do too! Tell your people all the ways you’re seeing them shine.
  • I’ve been running every single day since August, and I swear by it. It washes my brain with feel-good chemicals. After learning that 79 year old Dr. Fauci has cut his daily run down to 3.5 miles, so he could focus on, you know, saving the world, I’ve decided to meet him there. 3.5 miles daily. I tell my family I’m going out to do a Fauci. Sometimes I take a kid or two with me on bikes. Nothing beats a good sweat.
  • I made myself two killer playlists. One I listen to when running. One I listen to when I need to chill. Music = medicine.
  • I’m not drinking, and I’m limiting myself to one delicious dessert a day. (Okay, trying to limit myself.)
  • I told the kids that Adam Rohdie (the head of our school) says that they have to be in nature every single day. He is an authority figure they admire and this has cut down on grumbling about daily hikes, which keep us all sane. (He didn’t actually say this, but I believe he’d be on board.)
  • I’m making as few decisions as possible each day. I’m wearing the same three outfits. I’m eating the same breakfast. I’m even committing to doing the same activities that I know relax me at the end of a long day. I need my brain to be as rested as possible.

All this, and I still have DAILY moments of overwhelm. Man! This is so real! It’s hard! And it keeps on coming! I was having one of these moments as I sat down to write this post.

Whenever those moments strike, I try to go back to my list and look for ways to calm myself down a little. I try to let go of the mindset that I am either “doing well” or “failing” — one or the other. I expect wobbles. I try to rebound. And I give myself credit for just doing my best.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope you do the same. You’re doing a good job.